ACT ONE

Prologue: Jellicle songs for Jellicle Cats

(hundreds of yellow eyes appear from the darkness)
(headlights move across the stage briefly revealing a cat who runs and hides)
(one by one, cats begin to come out of hiding)

Munkustrap:
Are you blind when your born?

Demeter:
Can you see in the dark?

[Skimbleshanks]:
Can you look at a king?

Asparagus:
Would you sit on his thrown?

[Rum Tum Tugger]:
Can you say of you bite
That its worse than your bark?

Alonzo:
Are you cock of the walk

[Grizabella]:
When your walking alone?

All:
Because Jellicles are
And Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles would
Jellicles would and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellylorum:
When you fall on your head
Do you land on your feet?

Coricopat:
Are you tense when you sense
Theres a storm in the air?

Jemima:
Can you find your way blind
When youre lost in the street?

[Deuteronomy]:
Do you know how to go
To the Heaviside layer?

All:
Because Jellicles can
And Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Tantomile:
Can you ride on a broomstick
To places far distant?

Female Chorus:
Familiar with candle?

Electra:
With book and with bell?

Bombalurina:
Were you Whittingtons friend?

[Mr. Mistoffelees]:
The Pied Pipers assistant?

Tumblebrutus:
Have you been an alumnus
Of Heaven and Hell?

Mungojerrie:
Are you mean like a minx?

Rumpleteazer:
Are you mean like a lynx?

Etcetera:
Are you keen to be seen
When youre smelling a rat?

Cassandra:
Were you there when the Pharaohs
Commissioned the Sphinx?

All:
If you were and you are
Youre a Jellicle cat

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

We can fly through the air like a flying trapeze
We can turn double somersaults, bounce on a tire
We can run up a wall, we can swing through the trees
We can balance on bars, we can walk on a wire

Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Female Chorus:
Can you sing at the same time in more than one key?
Duets by Rossini -

Male Chorus:
- and waltzes by Strauss?
And can you (as cats do) begin with a 'C'?

All:
That always triumphantly brings down the house?
Jellicle cats are queen of the nights
Singing at astronomical heights
Handling pieces from the 'Messiah'
Hallelujah, angelical Choir
(shoe falls) (silence)

(loud again:)
Jellicle cats are queen of the nights
Singing at astronomical heights
Handling pieces from the 'Messiah'
Hallelujah, angelical Choir (much softer:)
The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity
Round the cathedral rang 'Vivat'
Life to the everlasting cat!
Feline, fearless, faithful and true
To others who do-
what...
(louder again:)
Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicle cats sing Jellicle chants
Jellicles old and Jellicles new
Jellicle song and Jellicle dance
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Practical cats, dramatical cats
Pragmatical cats, fanatical cats
Oratorical cats, Delphicoracle cats
Skeptical cats, Dispeptical cats
Romantical cats, Pedantical cats
Critical cats, parasitical cats
Allegorical cats, metaphorical cats
Statistical cats and mystical cats
Political cats, hypocritical cats
Clerical cats, hysterical cats
Cynical cats, rabbinical cats

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats 

The Naming of Cats

Asparagus:
Theres a man over there with a look of surprise
As much as to say well now how about that

Munkustrap:
Do I actually see with my own very eyes
A man whos not heard of a Jellicle cat?
Whats a Jellicle cat?

All: (echoing)
Whats a Jellicle cat?
Whats a Jellicle cat?

All: (whispered)
The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there's the name that the family use daily,
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, or George or Bill Bailey -
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter -
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular,
A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum -
Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover -
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name,
name...name...name...name...name...name...
(all exit leaving only Victoria)

The Invitation to the Jellicle Ball

(solo dance by Victoria)
(Mr. Mistoffelees appears)

Mr. Mistoffelees:
Jellicle Cats come out to-night
Jellicle Cats come one come all:
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright -
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball.
Jellicle Cats come out to-night
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball.
(all the cats return)

Munkustrap:
Jellicle cats meet once a year
At the Jellicle ball where we all rejoice!
And the Jellicle leader will soon appear
And make what is known as the Jellicle choice
When old Deuteronomy just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different Jellicle life
For waiting up there is the Heaviside layer
Full of wonders one Jellicle only will see
And Jellicles ask because Jellicles dare
Who will it be?

All: (echoing)
Who will it be?

The Old Gumbie Cat

Munkustrap:
I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots;
Her coat is of the tabby kind, with tiger stripes and leopard spots.
All day she sits beneath the stair or on the steps or on the mat:
She sits and sits and sits and sits - and that's what makes a Gumbie Cat!
That's what makes a Gumbie Cat!
(a trunk opens revealing Jennyanydots)
(she yawns and steps out)

Female Chorus:
But when the day's hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun.
And when all the family's in bed and asleep,
She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep.
She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice -

Jennyanydots:
Their behaviors not good and their manners not nice;
(several cats enter, disguised as mice)

Female Chorus:
So when she has got them lined up on the matting,
She teaches them -

Jennyanydots:
-music, crocheting and tatting.

Munkustrap:
I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots;
The curtain-cord she likes to wind, and tie it into sailor-knots.
She sits upon the window-sill, or anything that's smooth and flat:
She sits and sits and sits and sits - and that's what makes a Gumbie Cat!
That's what makes a Gumbie Cat!

Female Chorus:
But when the day's hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun.
She thinks that the cockroaches -

Jennyanydots:
-just need employment,

Female Chorus:
To prevent them from -

Jennyanydots:
-idle and wanton destroyment.

Female Chorus:
So she's formed, from that lot of disorderly louts,
A troop of well-disciplined helpful boy-scouts,

Jennyanydots:
With a purpose in life and a good deed to do -

Female Chorus:
And she's even created a Beetles' Tattoo.
(several cats enter disguised as cockroaches)
(a tap dance scene follows)

All:
For shes a jolly good fellow!

Jennyanydots:
Thank you, my dears.

The Rum Tum Tugger

(Rum Tum Tugger appears on top of a junk heap)

Rum Tum Tugger:
Meow.
(leaps onto the stage)
Meow.

All:
The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat:

Rum Tum Tugger:
If you offer me pheasant Id rather have grouse.
If you put me in a house I would much prefer a flat,
If you put me in a flat then I'd rather have a house.
If you set me on a mouse then I only want a rat,
If you set me on a rat then I'd rather chase a mouse.

All:
The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat -

Rum Tum Tugger:
And there isn't any call for me to shout it:

All:
For he will do
As he do do

Rum Tum Tugger:
And there's no doing anything about it!

Mr. Mistoffelees:
The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore:

Rum Tum Tugger:
When you let me in, then I want to go out;
Im always on the wrong side of every door,
And as soon as I get home, then I'd like to get about.
I like to lie in a bureau drawer,
But I make such a fuss if I can't get out.

All:
The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat -

Rum Tum Tugger:
And there isn't any use for you to doubt it:

All:
For he will do
As he do do

Rum Tum Tugger:
And there's no doing anything about it!

Bombalurina:
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast:

Rum Tum Tugger:
My disobliging ways are a matter of habit.
If you offer me fish then Ill always want a feast;
And if there isn't any fish then I won't eat rabbit.
If you offer me cream then I sniff and sneer,
I only like what I find for myself...no
You'll catch me in it right up to my ears,
If you put it away on the larder shelf.

All:
The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing,
The Rum Tum Tugger -

Rum Tum Tugger:
- doesn't care for a cuddle;
So I leap on your lap in the middle of your sewing,
Because there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle.

All:
The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat -
The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle;
The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat -

Rum Tum Tugger:
And there isn't any need for me to spout it:

All:
For he will do
As he do do

Rum Tum Tugger:
And there's no doing anything abooouuut!
(females around him meow)
Abooooouuuuut!
(more meowing)
Abooouuuouououout!
(Etcetera makes even more noise)
About it!

Grizabella: The Glamour Cat

(Rum Tum Tugger spots Grizabella and walks off in disgust)
(the others all leave or stand at a distance with looks of disapproval)

Grizabella:
Remark the cat who hesitates towards you
In the light of the door which opens on her like a grin
You see the border of her coat is torn, its stained with sand
And you see the corner of her eye twist like crooked pin

Demeter:
She haunted many a low resort
Near the grimy road of Tottenham Court
She flitted about the no-mans land
From The Rising Sun to The Friend at Hand
and the postman sighed as he scratched his head
Youd really have thought shed ought to be dead
And who would ever supposed that cat
Was Grizabella the glamour cat

Bombalurina:
Grizabella the glamour cat

Demeter and Bombalurina:
Grizabella the glamour cat

All:
And whod have ever supposed that cat
Was Grizabella the glamour cat
(Grizabella dejectedly leaves)

Bustopher Jones: The Cat about Town

Jennyanydots:
Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones -

Bombalurina:
In fact, he's remarkably fat.

Jellylorum:
He doesn't haunt pubs -

Jennyanydots:
he has eight or nine clubs,

All three:
For he's the St. James's Street Cat!

Jennyanydots:
He's the Cat we all greet as he walks down the street
In his coat of fastidious black:

Bombalurina:
No commonplace mousers have such well-cut trousers

Jellylorum:
Or such an impeccable back.

Jennyanydots:
In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of Cats;

All three:
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats!

Male Chorus:
In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of Cats;
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats!
(Bustopher Jones sits down on a top hat)

Bustopher Jones:
My visits are occasional to the Senior Educational
and it is against the rules
For any one cat to belong both to that
And the Joint Superior Schools.
For a similar reason, when game is in season
I am found, not at Fox's, but Blimp's;
I am frequently seen at the gay Stage and Screen
Which is famous for winkles and shrimps.
In the season of venison I give my ben'son
To the Pothunter's succulent bones;
And just before noons, not a moment too soon
To drop in for a drink at the Drones.
When Im seen in a hurry there's probably curry
At the Siamese - or at the Glutton;
If I look full of gloom then Ive lunched at the Tomb
On cabbage, rice pudding and mutton.

All:
In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of Cats;
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white, Bustopher Jones in white, Bustopher Jones in white spats!

Jennyanydots:
So, much in this way, passes Bustopher's day -
At one club or another he's found.
It can be no surprise that under our eyes
He has grown unmistakably round.
He's a twenty-five pounder,

Bustopher Jones:
or I am a bounder,

Jennyanydots:
And he's putting on weight every day:

Bustopher Jones:
But Im so well preserved because Ive observed
All me life a routine, and I'D say.
I am still in me prime, I shall last out me time

Jennyanydots:
Thats the words from the stoutest of Cats.

All:
It must and it shall be Spring in Pall Mall
While Bustopher Jones wears white, Bustopher Jones wears white, Bustopher Jones wears white spats!

Bustopher Jones: (spoken)
Tootle pip!
(a thunderclap in heard)
(then a police siren)

Demeter:
Macavity!
(all cats scatter leaving only Munkustrap)
(he takes one more look around and then leaves as well)

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer

(giggling is heard followed by a sshhhh!)
(Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer appear)
(Rumpelteazer giggles again and gets another sshhhh! from Mungojerrie)

Mungojerrie:
Mungojerrie

Rumpelteazer:
and Rumpelteazer

Both:
Were a notorious couple of cats.

Rumpelteazer:
As knockabout clowns, quick-change comedians, tight-rope walkers and acrobats

Mungojerrie:
We have an extensive reputation. We make our home in Victoria Grove -
This is merely our centre of operation, for

Both:
We are incurably given to rove.
When the family assembled for Sunday dinner,
Their minds made up that they won't get thinner

Mungojerrie:
On Argentine joint,

Rumpelteazer:
Potatoes and greens,
And the cook would appear from behind the scenes

Mungojerrie:
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow:
`I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow!
The joint has gone from the oven - like that!'

Both:
Then the family will say: `It's that horrible cat!

Mungojerrie:
Was it Mungojerrie

Rumpelteazer:
or Rumpelteazer?

Both:
And most of the time they leave it at that.
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have a wonderful way of working together.
And some of the time you would say it was luck, and some of the time you would say it was weather.
We go through the house like a hurricane, and no sober person could take his oath

Mungojerrie:
Was it Mungojerrie

Rumpelteazer:
or Rumpelteazer?

Both:
-or could you have sworn that it might of been both?

And when you heard a dining-room smash
Or up from the pantry there comes a loud crash
Or down from the library came a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming -
Then the family will say: `Now which was which cat?

Mungojerrie:
It was Mungojerrie

Rumpelteazer:
AND Rumpelteazer

Both:
And there's nothing at all to be done about that!
(a very annoyed tribe returns and surrounds them)
(both flee over a junk heap)

All:
And there's nothing at all to be done about that!

Old Deuteronomy

(Mr. Mistoffelees sniffs the air)

Mr. Mistoffelees: (spoken)
Old Deuteronomy?
(others begin to smell the air)

Coricopat and Tantomile:
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

All:
Well, of all ...
Things ... Can it be ... really! ... Yes! ... No! ...
Ho! hi!
Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!

Munkustrap:
Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time;
He's a Cat who has lived many lives in succession.
He was famous in proverb and famous in rhyme
A long while before Queen Victoria's accession.

Rum Tum Tugger:
Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives
And more - I am tempted to say, ninety-nine;
And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives
And the village is proud of him in his decline.

Munkustrap:
At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy,
When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall,
The Oldest Inhabitant croaks:

Both:
Well, of all ...
Things ... Can it be ... really! ... Yes! ... No! ...
Ho! hi!
Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!

All:
Well, of all ...
Things ... Can it be ... really! ... Yes! ... No! ...
Ho! hi!
Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!
(Deuteronomy appears)
(all the cats swarm around him to greet him)
Well, of all ...
Things ... Can it be ... really! ... Yes! ... No! ...
Ho! hi!
Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!
Well, of all ...
Things ... Can it be ... really! ... Yes! ... No! ...
Ho! hi!
Oh, my eye!

Deuteronomy:
My legs may be tottery, I must go slow
And be careful of Old Deuteronomy

Munkustrap: (spoken)
Jellicle cats meet once a year
On the night we make the Jellicle choice
And now that the Jellicle leader is here
Jellicle Cats can all rejoice!

The Pekes and the Pollicles

Munkustrap:
OF THE AWFUL BATTLE OF THE PEKES AND THE POLLICLES
TOGETHER WITH SOME ACCOUNT
OF THE PARTICIPATION
OF THE PUGS AND THE POMS, AND THE
INTERVENTION OF THE GREAT RUMPUSCAT

(faster:)
The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows,
Are proud and implacable passionate foes;
It is always the same, wherever one goes.
And the Pugs and the Poms, although most people say
That they do not like fighting, yet once, in a way
They now and again join in the fray.
And they

All:
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark BARK BARK

Munkustrap:
Until you can hear them all over the Park.

Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week
(And that's a long time for a Poll or a Peke).
The big Police Dog was away from his beat -
I don't know the reason, but most people think
He'd slipped into the Wellington's Arms for a drink -
And no one at all was about on the street
When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet.
(Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer enter disguised as dogs)
They did not advance, or exactly retreat,
But they glared at each other and scraped their hind feet,
And started to

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer:
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark BARK BARK

Munkustrap:
Until you could hear them all over the Park.
and they

All:
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark BARK BARK

Munkustrap:
Until you could hear them all over the Park.

Now the Peke, although people may say what they please,
Is no British Dog, but a Heathen Chinese.
And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar,
Some came to the window, some came to the door;
There were surely a dozen, more likely a score.
(female cats enter disguised as Pekinese dogs)
And together they started to grumble and wheeze
In their huffery-snuffery Heathen Chinese.
But a terrible din is what Pollicles like,
for your Pollicle Dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke,
(male cats enter disguised as Yorkshire terriers)

Male Chorus:
There are dogs out of every nation,
The Irish, the Welsh and the Dane;
The Russian, the Dutch the Dalmatian,
And even from China and Spain;
The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian
And the mastiff who walks on a chain
Munkustrap:
And to those that are frisky and frollical
Let my meaning be perfectly plain;
Male Chorus:
That my name it is Little Tom Pollicle--
And you'd better not do it again
(Skimbleshanks and Mr. Mistoffelees enter disguised as dogs)

Munkustrap:
And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters,
And every dog-jack of them notable fighters;
And so they stepped out, with their pipers in order,
Playing When the Blue Bonnets Came Over the Border.
(Rum Tum Tugger enters playing bagpipes)
(then four more cats enter disguised as poodles)
Then the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof,
But some from the balcony, some from the roof,
Joined in
To the din
With a

All:
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark BARK BARK

Munkustrap:
Until you could hear them all over the Park.

All: (mumbled)
huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuffery, huffery-snuff

Munkustrap:
Until you could hear them all over the Park.
(all begin barking loudly)
No! (barking stops)

When these bold heroes together assembled,
The traffic all stopped, and the Underground trembled,
And some of the neighbors were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade.
When suddenly, up from a small basement flat,
Why who should stalk out but the GREAT RUMPUSCAT.
(Rumpuscat leaps onto the stage)
His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing,
He gave a great yawn, and his jaws were amazing;
And when he looked out through the bars of the area,
You never saw anything fiercer
(Rumpuscats hair stands up)
or hairier.
And what with the glare of his eyes and his yawning,
The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning.
He looked at the sky and he gave a great leap -
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep.
(all the cats scatter)
And when the Police Dog returned to his beat,
There wasn't a single one left on the street.

All:
All hail and all bow to the GREAT RUMPUSCAT!
(all the cats return and gather around Deuteronomy)

Deuteronomy:
Jellicle cats and dogs all must
Pollicle dogs and cats all must
Like undertakers come to dust
(a loud crash is heard)

Demeter:
Macavity!
(all the cats scatter again, leaving only Munkustrap and Deuteronomy)
(Munkustrap stands defensively in front of Deuteronomy, but Macavity does not appear)
(Deuteronomy manages to coax Victoria and Jemima out of hiding)

The Song of the Jellicles (Jellicle Ball)

Deuteronomy:
Jellicle Cats come out to-night
Jellicle Cats come one come

Deuteronomy, Victoria and Jemima:
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright -
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball.
(Alonzo appears)

Alonzo:
Jellicle Cats are black and white,
Jellicle Cats are rather small;
Jellicle Cats are merry -

Pouncival:
- and bright!

Alonzo, Victoria and Jemima:
And pleasant to hear when we caterwaul.
(others begin to return and join in)

Skimbleshanks:
Jellicle Cats have cheerful faces,

Tumblebrutus:
Jellicle Cats have bright black eyes;

Mr. Mistoffelees:
We like to practice our airs and graces

All:
And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise.

Plato, Munkustrap and Admetus:
Jellicle Cats develop slowly,

Tumblebrutus:
Jellicle Cats are not too big;

Asparagus:
Jellicle Cats are roly-poly,

Mr. Mistoffelees and Skimbleshanks:
We know how to dance a gavotte and a jig.

Demeter:
Until the Jellicle Moon appears

Bombalurina:
We make our toilette and take our repose

Jennyanydots:
Jellicles wash behind their ears,

Jellylorum:
Jellicles dry between their toes.

Coricopat and Tantomile:
Jellicle Cats are white and black,

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer:
Jellicle Cats are of moderate size;

Skimbleshanks, Tumblebrutus and Pouncival:
Jellicles jump like a jumping-jack,

Cassandra:
Jellicle Cats have moonlit eyes.

All:
We're quiet enough in the morning hours,
We're quiet enough in the afternoon,

Munkustrap and Mr. Mistoffelees:
Reserving our terpsichorean powers

All:
To dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon.

Alonzo:
Jellicle Cats are black

Etcetera, Victoria and Rumpleteazer:
and white !

Tumblebrutus, Skimbleshanks and Mr. Mistoffelees:
Jellicle Cats (as we said) are small;

Admetus, Munkustrap and Plato:
If it happens to be a stormy night

Tumblebrutus, Skimbleshanks and Mr. Mistoffelees:
We will practice a caper or two in the hall.

All:
If it happens the sun is shining bright

Rum Tum Tugger:
You would say we had nothing to do at all:

All:
We are resting and saving ourselves to be right
For the Jellicle Moon and the Jellicle Ball.

Jellicle Cats come out to-night
Jellicle Cats come one come all:
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright -
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball.
Jellicle Cats come out to-night
Jellicle Cats come one come all:
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright -
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball.
(a very, very long dance scene follows)

Grizabella

(Grizabella appears again)
(the others again all exit, this time leaving Jellyorum, Victoria, Jennyanydots, and Jemima)

Jellylorum:
You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand

Jemima:
And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin
(all exit, leaving Grizabella alone, except for Deuteronomy watching in the background)

ACT TWO

The Moments of Happiness

(the cats return and gather around Deuteronomy)
(Jellylorum enters helping Gus, who sits down on a paint can)

Deuteronomy:
The moments of happiness
We had the experience but missed the meaning
And approach to the meaning restores the experience in a different form
Beyond any meaning we can assign to happiness
The past experience revived in the meaning is not the experience of one life only
But of many generations
Not forgetting something that is probably quite ineffable

Jemima:
Moonlight, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin

Gus: The Theatre Cat

Jellylorum:
Gus is the Cat at the Theatre Door.
His name, as I ought to have told you before,
Is really Asparagus, but that's such a fuss
To pronounce, that we usually call him just Gus.
His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake,
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paws shake.
Yet he was, in his youth, quite the smartest of Cats -
But no longer a terror to mice and to rats.
For he isn't the Cat that he was in his prime;
But his name was quite famous, he says, in his time.
And whenever he joins his friends at their club
(Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub)
He loves to regale them, if someone else pays,
With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days.
For he once was a Star of the highest degree -
He has acted with Irving, he has acted with Tree.
And he likes to relate his success on the Halls,
Where the Gallery once gave him seven cat-calls.
But his grandest creation, as he loves to tell,
Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell.

Gus:
I have played, in my time, every possible part,
And I used to know seventy speeches by heart.
I'd extemporize back-chat, I knew how to gag,
And I know how to let the cat out of the bag.
I knew how to act with my back and my tail;
With an hour of rehearsal, I never could fail.
I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts,
Whether I took the lead, or in character parts.
I have sat by the bedside of poor Little Nell;
When the Curfew was rung, then I swung on the bell.
In the Pantomime season I never fell flat
And I once understudied Dick Whittington's Cat.
But my grandest creation, as history will tell,
Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell.
(a red eyed ghost appears, and then vanishes)

Jellylorum:
Then, if someone will give him a tooth full of gin,
He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne.
At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat,
When some actor suggested the need for a cat.

Gus:
And I says that these kittens, they do not get trained
As we did in the days when Victoria reigned.
They never get drilled in a regular troupe,
And they think they are smart, just to jump through a hoop.

Jellylorum:
And he says, as he scratches himself with his claws,

Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat

(Skimbleshanks lies asleep on a junk heap)

All:
Skimbleshanks, The Railway Cat
The cat of the railway train.

There's a whisper down the line at 11:39
When the Night Mail's ready to depart,
Saying `Skimble where is Skimble!
(Skimbleshanks is startled awake)
Has he gone to hunt the thimble?
We must find him or the train can't start.'

Skimbleshanks:
All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters
Would be searching high and low,
Saying `Skimble where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble
Then the Night Mail just can't go.'
At 11:42 with the signal overdue
And the passengers all frantic to a man -
thats when I would appear and Id saunter to the rear:
Id been busy in the luggage van!

All:
Then he gave one flash of his glass-green eyes
And the signal went `All Clear!'

Skimbleshanks:
We'd be off at last for the northern part
Of the Northern Hemisphere!

All:
Skimbleshanks, The Railway Cat
The cat of the railway train.

Skimbleshanks:
You could say that by and large it was me who was in charge
Of the Sleeping Car Express.
From the driver and the guards to the bagmen playing cards
Id supervise them all, more or less.

All:
Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces
Of the travelers in the First and in the Third;
He establishes control by a regular patrol
And he'd know at once if anything occurred.
He was watching without blinking and he saw what you were thinking
And it's certain that he didn't approve
Of hilarity and riot, so the folk were very quiet
When Skimble was about and on the move.
You can play no pranks with Skimbleshanks!
He's a Cat that cannot be ignored;
So nothing went wrong on the Northern Mail
With Skimbleshanks aboard.

Skimbleshanks:
It was very pleasant when we found our little den
With the name written up on the door.
And the berth was very neat with a newly folded sheet
And not a speck of dust on the floor.
There was every sort of light - you could make it dark or bright;
And a button you could turn to make a breeze.
And a funny little basin you're supposed to wash your face in
And a crank to shut the window should you sneeze.
Then the guard looks in politely and would ask you very brightly
`do you like your morning tea weak or strong?'
But I was just behind him and was ready to remind him,
For Skimble won't let anything go wrong.

All:
And when they creep into their cozy berths
And pulled up the counterpane,
They all could reflect it was very nice
To know that they wouldn't be bothered by mice -
You can leave all that to the Railway Cat,
The Cat of the Railway Train!
Skimbleshanks, The Railway Cat
The cat of the railway train.
(the cats all grab wheels, cloth, and other parts)
(they hold them up making the shape of a train)
Skimbleshanks, The Railway Cat
The cat of the railway train.

Skimbleshanks:
In the watches of the night I was always fresh and bright;
Every now and then Id have a cup of tea
With perhaps a drop of Scotch when I was keeping on the watch,
Only stopping here and there to catch a flea.
They were fast asleep at Crewe and so they never knew
That I was walking up and down the station;
They were sleeping all the while I was busy at Carlisle,
Where I met the stationmaster with elation.
They might see me at Dumfries, if I summoned the police
If there was anything they ought to know about:

All:
When they got to Gallowgate there they did not have to wait -
For Skimbleshanks will help them to get out!
(the train collapses)
And he gives you a wave of his long brown tail
Which says: `I'll see you again!
You will meet without fail on the Midnight Mail
The Cat of the Railway Train.'

(a crash is heard followed by Macavitys evil laugh)

Macavity: The Mystery Cat

Demeter:
Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw -
For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law.
He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.
His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,
And when you reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!
You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air -
But I tell you once and once again, Macavity's not there!

Bombalurina:
Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin;
You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in.
His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly domed;
His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed.
He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake;
And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake.

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
For he's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.
You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square -
But when a crime's discovered, then Macavity's not there!

Demeter:
He's outwardly respectable.

Bombalurina:
I know, he cheats at cards.

Demeter:
And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard's.

Bombalurina:
And when the larder's looted,

Demeter:
Or the jewel-case is rifled,

Bombalurina:
Or when the milk is missing,

Demeter:
Or another Peke's been stifled,

Bombalurina:
Or the greenhouse glass is broken,

Demeter:
and the trellis past repair -

Both:
There's the wonder of the thing! Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
Whatever time the deed took place - MACAVITY WASN'T THERE!
And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known

Demeter:
I might mention Mungojerrie,

Bombalurina:
I might mention Griddlebone

Both:
Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time
Just controls the operations: the Napoleon of Crime!

All:
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
For he's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.
You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square -
But when a crime's discovered, then Macavity,
Macavity, Macavity, Macavity,
When a crime's discovered, then Macavity's not there!

(Deuteronomy returns, but Demeter seems edgy)
(she jumps on his back, revealing that it is Macavity in disguise)
(Macavity battles with Munkustrap and the other cats)
(tired and nearly beaten, Macavity retreats to a high perch)
(he grabs two wires and shorts out the lights, thus escaping)
(the other cats grope around in the darkness)

All: (whispered)
Macavity's not there

Mr. Mistoffelees

All:
We have to find old Deuteronomy.

Rum Tum Tugger: (spoken)
You ought to ask Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
The Original Conjuring Cat -
(There can be no doubt about that).
Please listen to me and don't scoff.
All his inventions are off his own bat.
There's no such Cat in the metropolis;
He holds all the patent monopolies
For performing surprising illusions
And creating eccentric confusions.
(sings:)
The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Mistoffelees' Conjuring Turn.

And we all say:
OH! Well, I never was there ever
A Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

Hes quiet and small, he is black
From his ears to the tip of his tail;
He can creep through the tiniest crack
He can walk on the narrowest rail.
He can pick any card from the pack,
Hes equally cunning with dice;
Hes always deceiving you into believing
That he's only hunting for mice.
He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of fish-paste;
If you look for a knife or a fork
And you think it is merely misplaced -
Youve seen it one moment, and then it is gawn!
But you'll find it next week lying out on the lawn.

And we all say:
OH! Well I never was there ever
A Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
(Mr. Mistoffelees lowers down on a rope, which vanishes when he reaches the ground)

Mr. Mistoffelees:
Presto!
(the lights are restored)

All:
OH! Well I never was there ever
A Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
OH! Well I never was there ever
A Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

Rum Tum Tugger:
His manner is vague and aloof,
And you would think there was nobody shyer -
But his voice can been heard on the roof
While he was curled up by the fire.
And he's sometimes been heard by the fire
When he was about on the roof -
(At least we all heard that somebody purred)
Which is incontestable proof
And of his singular magical powers:
I have known the family to call
Him in from the garden for hours,
While he was asleep in the hall.
And not long ago this phenomenal Cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!
And we all say:

All:
OH! Well I never was there ever
A Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

Rum Tum Tugger:
Magical!
And not long ago this phenomenal Cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!
(Mr. Mistoffelees pulls out a red blanket and has Cassandra crawl beneath it)
(he allows the lump to move to the center of the stage)
(then he pulls off the blanket, revealing Deuteronomy)

Rum Tum Tugger:
And we all say:
OH! Well I never was there ever
A Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

All:
OH! Well I never was there ever
A Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
OH! Well I never was there ever
A Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
OH! Well I never was there ever
A Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
OH! Well I never was there ever
A Cat so clever as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

MEMORY

Jemima:
Daylight, see the dew on a sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses wither away
Like the sunflower I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day

Munkustrap: (spoken)
Now Old Deuteronomy just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different Jellicle life
(Grizabella enters for a third time and is again shunned by the rest of the tribe)

Grizabella:
Memory, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin

Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning

Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Jemima:
Sunlight, through the trees in summer
Endless masquerading

Both:
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking

Grizabella:
The memory is fading

Touch me, it's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new days has begun
(Victoria approaches Grizabella and touches her hand, indicating Grizabellas acceptance)
(Grizabella is accepted by the other cats and then joins Deuteronomy on a tire which begins to rise)

The Journey to the Heaviside Layer

Epilogue: The Ad-dressing of Cats

Deuteronomy:
You've heard of several kinds of Cat,
And my opinion now is that
You should need no interpreter
to understand our character.
Youve learned enough to take the view
That Cats are very much like you
You've seen us both at work and games,
And learnt about our proper names,
Our habits and our habitat:
But `how would you ad-dress a Cat?
So first, your memory I'll jog,
And say: A CAT IS NOT A DOG.

All:
So first, your memory I'll jog,
And say: A CAT IS NOT A DOG.

Deuteronomy:
With Cats, some say, one rule is true:
Don't speak till you are spoken to.
Myself, I do not hold with that -
I say, you should ad-dress a Cat.
But always keep in mind that he
Resents familiarity.
You bow, and taking off your hat,
Ad-dress him in this form: O CAT!
Before a Cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend,
Some little token of esteem
Is needed, like a dish of cream;
And you might now and then supply
Some caviar, or Strasbourg Pie,
Some potted grouse, or salmon paste -
He's sure to have his personal taste.
And so in time you reach your aim,
And call him by his NAME.

All:
A Cat's entitled to expect
These evidences of respect.
So this is this, and that is that:
And that's how you AD-DRESS A CAT.

A Cat's entitled to expect
These evidences of respect.
So this is this, and that is that:
And that's how you AD-DRESS A CAT.